The Scars That Freedom Left

24 Jan

You told me that you loved me

Then you shoved me to the ground

You took my hand when I was sad

Then you slapped me around

You punched me with your words

You stabbed me with your lies

You taped my mouth shut to silence my cries

You tied me to your bed

You bound my hands and feet

I wanted to run, I wanted to hide

But you had control of me

The one time I got loose

You found me and dragged me back

You screamed at me and yelled

You turned my heart black

You called me a slut

Said I better not be a tease

Then you pushed me to my knees

All the bruises, they will heal

But you have forever changed the way I feel

About myself, about the world

About the way a man should treat a girl

I stuck you in my pocket and carried you around

I loved you too much to ever let you down

Made up excuses for you, said it was okay

Convinced myself it was normal to be mistreated that way

Can’t believe its over

Can’t believe I’m free

You are all the hate that burns inside of me

I think about you sometimes

I wonder where you are

Wonder how I ever let it get this far

Never will I look at myself in the mirror

As I did before

My own perception of myself is changed

Right down to the very core

I still haven’t convinced my self that I deserve more

Wonder if I’ll ever feel worthy of a persons love

Wonder when, I alone, will be good enough

Who will love me for the broken soul that I am

Is there someone out there

That will give me a safe place to land

For now I sit alone in the darkness

Waiting to be found

Trying to put the pieces back

That were shattered to the ground

For Bashert.


15 Responses to “The Scars That Freedom Left”

  1. taurusingemini January 24, 2013 at 9:18 am #

    Well written, and, sometimes, people don’t wake UP and get themselves OUT of an abusive relationship, because it’s become too “normal” for them, but, i’m glad that the character in your poem had…

    • Taylor Devost January 24, 2013 at 6:07 pm #

      It’s extremely hard to leave an abusive relationship. It almost becomes like an addiction, but it is possible with the strength you find within. This is what I learned. xo thanks for reading!

  2. Christina January 24, 2013 at 4:57 pm #

    I think its sad that women and men go through this. You have said the feelings I carry around so well. 2 relationships like that. One physical, mental, and emotional abuse, the second was emotional, and verbal. I just get up and go on. Finding and walking with God is helping me. Allowing me to feel and be beautiful despite all of the times a Man told me I wasn’t. 🙂

    • Taylor Devost January 24, 2013 at 6:06 pm #

      You are such a strong woman to have gone through that and survived. I know you are left with the broken pieces to try and put back together and it will take time. A lot of time. We accept the love we think we deserve. YOU deserve the most loving, supportive, passionate relationship. YOU are beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you differently ever again!! xo thanks for reading

      • Christina February 13, 2013 at 6:15 pm #

        Thank you! Yes I know we accept what “we” think we deserve! Thats the problem!! 😀 😀 Learning differently 🙂 🙂 THanks!

  3. rainydayinmay January 24, 2013 at 5:37 pm #

    this is really perceptive. Agree with exactly what taurusingemini said. I love that there was courage that grew, beyond the abuse.

    • Taylor Devost January 24, 2013 at 6:08 pm #

      We all have the strength inside of us to do anything – no matter how hard. It’s just a matter of realizing WE ARE strong enough! xo thanks for reading!

  4. treacherouslover January 25, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

    You have shown such a mature approach to something which isnt really ‘normal’ for the society that we live in and therefore these things wont even be discussed so as to reach a solution. Its a brilliant piece of work.

  5. klameczka2 January 25, 2013 at 6:53 pm #

    We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your site offered us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our entire community will be grateful to you..Check

  6. xikon93 January 27, 2013 at 1:04 am #

    You know, I believe that regardless of how broken our hearts may be, at some point in our life someone appears, willing to repair all the damage that we suffered. I believe in the power of friendship and love, and I have great faith in humanity that exists inside each one. =]

    • Taylor Devost January 27, 2013 at 3:45 am #

      I like to believe in the power of humanity, but I have seen too many things in my life to fully believe all human beings posses it. I too, believe in the healing powers of friendship and love. I personally would not have made it through many of the experiences in my life without the power of love and support of my friends. A beautiful and powerful thing – kindness and compassion. xo

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