The Lies We Tell

30 Jan

Looking in the mirror afraid of what she’ll see,
she doesn’t see the person that she wants to be.
Starving for perfection
in every single way.

Broken pieces are everywhere she goes,
faces without names stare with accusing eyes and
she runs to the bathroom just to feel safe.

Jokes are told, but she cant laugh, and
music plays on the stereo, but she wont sing.
Friends see her plastered on smile,
never knowing,
the real one has been gone for a while.

She sits alone on her bedroom floor
cutting out magazine pictures of wires she will never be,
hanging them on her walls for inspiration.
Trying to remember the day she realized,
she was unbeautiful.

“I’m okay,”
“I ate while you were away,”
The lies she tells
just to get through the day.

Everybody’s looking,
but they still refuse to see
that weakness can be found
in all her agony.

Her parents never know,
though they see her waist is shrinking,
too afraid to see the truth.

Friends leave
like the sand that falls through her fist.
Her life,
no longer her own.
Taken over by a disease that feels like home.

Living on the outside of love,
all she has left are the lies she tells.

And she sits alone in darkness,
her ghosts her only friends.
Praying the day never comes
when she’d rather be thin,
than alive.

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9 Responses to “The Lies We Tell”

  1. janineyork January 31, 2013 at 3:29 am #

    This is a beautiful, touching, heart wrenching poem. I hope that it isn’t self reflection. I was once bulimic until my pancreas stopped working and I had to change my diet or die. I saw fat where there was nothing but skin over bones. It was a very hard path back but I made it. I am now healthy, and I eat very healthy foods, but I still have some image issues. Please seek counseling if you have an eating disorder, it is the only way to beat it.

    • Taylor Devost February 1, 2013 at 12:15 am #

      Body issues are so common especially amongst women in this day and age and it’s so sad that society has brainwashed us to all adapt to their gross perception of beauty. Being emaciated and unhealthy shouldn’t be considered “beautiful.” I am so glad you shared your story with me though and I am so inspired to see that you found that strength inside of you to get better and find healing. I am sure you will always have some sort of body image issues, but being alive and healthy – well, there’s nothing more beautiful than that 🙂 xo Taylor

  2. TreacherousLover February 3, 2013 at 3:06 pm #

    This is like you have taken the pages out of my diary. I can relate to this and reading it just made me realise how scary it is to lose yourself in search for perfection. Three years ago, I was like this too; Afraid to look at myself in the mirror because I wasnt good enough to be his girlfriend or I wasnt beautiful enough for him to ask me out. I lost myself in the will to try and lose weight which is what I thought the problem was, but now I know it wasnt. Also considering that I am now only fifteen, being a victim of something like that whenI was only thirteen is still haunting.I wrote about a similiar issue on my blog called Size 2 Small which is talking about being bullied for being too thin.

    • Taylor Devost April 11, 2013 at 5:57 pm #

      It’s certainly not easy being a woman in todays society and it breaks my heart to see how cruel and malicious some people can be when it comes to criticizing women on their bodies. It is only when we start supporting each other rather than tearing each other down that we can start to change the culture we have built around us.

  3. Felicia February 8, 2013 at 4:24 am #

    What a beautiful post. Even pain and scars can have beauty. Keep writing.
    Felicia

  4. realelizabeth February 8, 2013 at 12:46 pm #

    You’re beautiful as you are. Nothing else matters.

  5. taurusingemini February 10, 2013 at 7:10 am #

    It would NOT be easy, to overcome the issue of self-image, because unless the person changes her mind, nothing that anybody ELSE say will matter. I hope it turns out well for whoever you’re writing about….

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