Monogamy And Morality

8 Aug

Monogamy is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Sometimes, it is really easy and simple and it’s all rainbows and butterflies, but other times, it seems like an unbearable task set upon present day couples by an antiquated societal standard. I envy those people who make relationships look so easy and free flowing and fresh, because in reality, all new things grow old.  The nuance fades, reality sets in, and so many of us fall in line with the rest of the societal drones who say that monogamy goes hand in hand with “real” love.

This is not to say that certain relationships aren’t worth it or that people should be allowed to cheat on their significant others, on the contrary, every relationship is different and the rules of a relationship can only be determined by those involved. It’s just that humans are not innately monogamous and sometimes I wish I could punch whoever decided we should be, in the face. It isn’t natural. Someone, long ago, decided that monogamy and morality were synonymous in our society and well, that sentiment has stuck. I am here to tell you that they are not.

For some, it comes easily, but others, like myself, it does not. Perhaps, it is because I am only twenty-one years old and have a whole life ahead of me or perhaps I just have a more restless soul than most people. Regardless, I don’t find anything wrong with openly hating the struggle of monogamy. I’m sure there are more of you out there that feel similar, but because it is frowned upon, don’t openly talk about it. Monogamy is hard, but for some it is absolutely worth it.

So many people believe that in order to be a good and decent human they must only enter into relationships that are purely monogamous and defined. Which, is an utterly bizarre concept to me, because people are not meant to spend their entire lives with one person. There is not just one human being out there in the world that is your perfect match. There is no perfect piece to your puzzle. Soul mates exist, absolutely, but they are not always the person you end up with and not all of them are meant to stay in your life forever. There are a plethora of people all across the world that could be a piece in your puzzle if given the chance, but the problem is, we will never meet half these people.

And no matter how happy I am in my relationships, I always find myself struggling with the idea that there are so many other people in the world that I will never meet, never know, never converse with and be able to grow from their knowledge. Being in a monogamous relationship only lessens these chances, in my opinion.

So, then one must decide whether or not to enter into a monogamous long term relationship with someone who fits or to have open relationships with several people who all have potential to fit. Which is the better option? It is the constant struggle of wanting routine and safety versus wanting nuance and adventure. You can never really always have both and nobody tells you this when you are young.

There comes a time in your life, when you must choose between a life of marriage and babies and committed relationships or just simply learn to exist in the heat of moments and nights so full of beauty that you think you might explode. Moments, where you lose yourself in everything and find yourself there too, your true animalistic desires come out, the essence of who you are is revealed and in that moment your vagabond soul feels complete – feels free.

To live, for existing in moments. To live, for monogamy and conventional love. To live, by your own moral compass.

Which road does one choose? And how do you know it is the right choice? And how do you live with yourself if you choose wrong?

Love is a beautiful thing, but it is not just found in the boy you have dated for the last four years. Nor is it always sustained by him. It is within all of us. In the musician who might write a song about you, in the party boy who desperately wants to change, or in the married man who does not love his wife anymore. Love is found in complexities and mistakes and new beginnings and in the whirlwind of holding on, then letting go.

To be monogamous is not to be moral. To be monogamous is to make a conscious decision. It is a choice. A choice that you make every single day when you wake up in the morning, until one morning you wake up and decide that maybe, just maybe, you want more. You want everything.



13 Responses to “Monogamy And Morality”

  1. Abundance August 8, 2013 at 3:26 am #

    but are humans monogamous animals?

    • Taylor Devost August 8, 2013 at 3:32 am #

      In my opinion, no. It is a choice one must decide to make every single day and it is not always easy. Monogamy does not come easily and it is something you must consciously fight for if that be the life path you choose.

      • Abundance August 8, 2013 at 3:52 am #

        So, If its not our nature as humans as you say, then what are we to fight against?
        Brainwashing from the masses?
        What if one day the masses deem breathing is immoral or eating or sleeping for that sake?

      • Taylor Devost August 8, 2013 at 4:52 am #

        That would be terrifying. I think so many of us get wrapped up in trying to live up to society’s standards that we forget to live up to our own and upon looking back on our lives, we realize we didn’t always do things because it was what WE wanted, but rather what OTHERS expected.

  2. Abundance August 8, 2013 at 4:05 am #

    To add: why even make a choice? is it about morality or guilt, for those who are making a choice? not questioning you or your writing just questions towards ones you are addressing…

    • Taylor Devost August 8, 2013 at 4:51 am #

      Well, I do feel like there are some people who don’t think monogamy is a choice, because it does come to them easily. I have friends who have been in relationships for 6 plus years and are very content and want to get married. For them, it isn’t even a choice at all. They don’t have to work hard at it and relationships are what make them happy. I think society has brainwashed many people to think that monogamy is a moral choice and an upstanding choice as a citizen so that when you do encounter a person who lets say is elderly and never got married, people tend to assume that person is unhappy because it is unusual in society to end up alone, unmarried, single, etc.

  3. Abundance August 8, 2013 at 5:20 am #

    I feel, Whoever those people are they are scared to tap into their nature…I also feel that they feel safe in adaptation of the world of compliance and rules and adhere to them as their Values, what do you think? By virtue of these values they have no clue of their own natural instincts nor they are capable of feeling the enjoyment of such notions. I think yes definitely brainwashing is associated with it. And even the person who is single or unmarried or never want to marry at times get sucked into the pressure that he/she might be unhappy because the masses makes them to believe that. Peer pressure bullyism (if there is such a term). Do you not think that most of us don’t admit to our own natures cos of FEAR. WHen you ask what road one must choose, I feel they should always choose NOT TO FEAR FEAR…i feel the magic begins only then how do u feel about that?

    • Taylor Devost August 8, 2013 at 5:31 am #

      I agree. People, I think, tend to fear the unknown, the unprecedented, and the unusual. It is much easier to stick to the status quo then sit down and truly think about what it is YOU desire out of life. There is so much pressure in our society, by our peers, and our families to become a certain type of person and I think this too, is a huge issue. So many live to please others and forget to stop and think about the things they dreamed about when they were children. Adulthood sucks out all youthful dreams we once had. I do think many people hide behind their own fear – the fear of not living up to their parents expectations, the fear of not being able to get a good job, the fear of never finding love, etc. So, in a sense, I think many settle for what is in front of them for fear of not ever finding what they truly want. Very complex, the human mind is…

      • Abundance August 8, 2013 at 5:43 am #

        Yep, Absolutely! you I definitely don’t feel that about you i.e. being complex minded …you r being yourself…also don’t you feel that this very naiveté of us human beings make us so out of touch from themselves?
        While people who choose monogamy miss what’s out there they also judge people who can’t feel monogamy as someone who can’t commit or have relationship issues…those monogamous forget commitment to others is useless if we are not even committed to be true to ourselves, yes?

      • Taylor Devost August 8, 2013 at 7:34 am #

        Absolutely. Those who choose monogamy judge those who do not and vice versa. A tangled web of judgement and misunderstanding when all we need is an empathetic ear and a voice that says, “I understand.” and you know that they do. People don’t always understand the life path others choose, but I feel we must always support each other in our decisions no matter how different they may be.

      • Abundance August 9, 2013 at 2:38 am #

        hey Tylor hope you are well…check this out by Ayn Rand…a competition worth entering…i think its round in your alley…

      • Taylor Devost August 9, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

        Ayn Rand is one of my favorite authors! Thanks for showing me this.. I will look into it 🙂

  4. Abundance August 8, 2013 at 1:55 pm #

    I have a feeling, we can’t always support everyone…I feel that at times it is exhausting for to support them and they just don’t understand and walk all over and not recognize you, I may be wrong but i feel you feel we are unprotected especially when you really need someone the most then nobody is around…we are all alone in our quests to balance and feel safe and protected and not judged…

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