My Best Friend Has Become A Stranger And I don’t Know What To Do

24 Aug

In the last four years or so, my best friend has become a person I hardly know or even like. There seems to be a constant strain between us, an unspoken tension that continues to grow and at times, even, a sneaky selfish game of “I can do anything you can do better!”

My best friend has become a stranger, and I don’t know what to do.

We have known each other for a long, long time and our friendship has not always been like this. Sometimes, I feel like the most obvious comparison for the two of us is a Blair/Serena type of relationship. Serena was always the more adored friend, and Blair (who I always thought was cooler), was the one who was always trying to be seen as just as good if not better than her best friend. When in reality, they were both equally beautiful, smart and successful in their own unique, individual way.

One was always hiding in the shadows so as not to upset her best friends insecure and jealous nature.

My question is, what can be done at this point? How does one salvage a relationship that at one point meant everything? Can it even be saved?

My advice to anybody else would be to cut the ties that bind, that bring you down. Easier said than done, though.

Growing up does change relationships, especially between friends. When your best friend stops being happy for your success, stops being supportive, stops being their for you through the hardships and ultimately becomes more concerned with being better than you… what really, can be done?

I don’t want a friendship that revolves around one-upping the other.

And maybe my friend feels this same way, and maybe it really hurts and confuses her as well. Or maybe, she doesn’t care anymore. Relationships end because people stop trying. I don’t want that to happen, but it takes more than just me.

You can love someone so, so much and yet, somewhere along the way, you just stop needing them like you used to.

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6 Responses to “My Best Friend Has Become A Stranger And I don’t Know What To Do”

  1. The Other Watson August 25, 2013 at 3:24 am #

    I’ve been there a little before, but more so I’ve watched friends go through it before (because I’ve moved around so much in my life that I quickly learn my true friends that way anyway, because they’ll make the effort when the times get tough and when I’m not around as much anymore). I know a friend of mine, her relationship with one of her best friends was pretty rocky for several years, as we all moved from being teenagers to young adults in our early 20s, but a lot of it was due to things both girls were going through in their own private lives. And oddly, once both girls had worked through those things and figured themselves out, their friendship sort of just mended itself and they realised how much they’d missed each other that whole time. But then, I’ve watched other friendships which just dissolve complete beyond the point of no return.
    I think there is no perfect advice. Maybe the best thing to do is to step back and get on with your life for now – don’t cut the ties completely, but see if time might mend things, eventually. πŸ™‚

    • Taylor Devost August 25, 2013 at 11:37 pm #

      Thanks for this thoughtful response, I really appreciate it! It’s not easy growing up and growing apart from people you once considered family, but you are right… we all have to find out who our real friends are eventually. xoxo

      • The Other Watson August 27, 2013 at 8:12 am #

        It’s definitely not easy to go through, but I hope everything works itself out for you! It’s funny, I’m about to move to Sweden from Australia in a few months (all for love, too, how dorky of me huh?), and I already know the friends I’ll stay in touch with. I love a lot of my friends I have in Australia, but I know the few that will make the extra effort to stay in touch, to skype me, to even come visit me and to make the time when I come back to Australia for brief visits every now and then. And the few that won’t, I guess I’m just learning to accept that my life is about to change so dramatically that this will simply happen, and that I should try not to take it personally if I those friendships don’t stay as strong because I certainly won’t mean it personally, either, but an international immigration is going to have a pretty profound effect I can imagine.
        Anyway, I’m probably just waffling on now, it’s just something I ponder a lot, what you speak of in this post, and I really do genuinely feel for you because you seem like such a sweet and thoughtful person, so I genuinely do wish you all the best! πŸ™‚

      • Taylor Devost August 27, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

        Thanks so much! And wow that is amazing and very brave of you to do. I am sure it will be a thrilling and moving experience and that fact that it is all for love is simply adorable! πŸ™‚ I wish you the best of luck on your new journey in life. And truly appreciate your feedback on friendship dynamics. You are absolutely right, I think there comes a point where we just have to accept that some friends are who they are and that will never change! xoxo

  2. taurusingemini August 25, 2013 at 8:37 am #

    This, is very deep stuff, and sometimes, relationships just won’t work out, because both of you had changed, grown, and there’s NO way of returning your interactions to the way it used to be, and that sometimes, is all that you C-A-N do, and, if the two of you still didn’t patch things up, then, you’re NOT meant to be friends, and that, is sometimes how fragile interactions are, even IF you’d been friends your whole lives, but a good and strong relationship should be able to withstand any and everything. Hope it all works out for you and your friend there…

    • Taylor Devost August 25, 2013 at 11:36 pm #

      So very true… A difficult situation for anyone to be in. Thanks! xoxo

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