Tag Archives: The past

Some Feelings Can Never Be Lost

5 Sep

She carries

him in the pocket of

her heart,

his crooked smile,

the twinkle of his kind

brown eyes, the

night they slow danced

beneath

the neon moon, and

the moment he

whispered: “If you lose me,

I will find you again,

right here

in the memory of

this moment.”

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The Memories That Save

22 Aug

Thinking of the past

and the winter that they shared.

Now, they both live

in different cities, full

of empty faced ghosts,

walking down crowded streets, hiding

monsters in their eyes.

She thought, for a moment,

what it would feel like

to step out in front

of the winding cars –

whose owners

drove with a pure need

to get to places

they didn’t want to be.

She just wanted to see

what disappearing

would feel like. But,

then she thought of him, and

that night in December.

He swore, he would

always remember

her, and

Berkshires, and

December.

Standing at an intersection,

blurs of traffic flashing by,

the street light turns,

green.

Who knew, the color

of envy

could save.

She crosses the street

and thinks about

that night

and driving fast

on the freeway, music

filling them.

The reality that

the beginning, would

also be

the end.

She pauses.

She exists

in her

promise.

She will

always remember,

him

and Berkshires, and

December.

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The Past, Never Really Passed

8 Jul

Sometimes, I wonder if

I will ever escape

my past;

the past

of those

I love –

the lingering feelings, and

parasitic emotions that

crush

every inch

of happiness

I have fought for.

The ever living ghost,

waiting, to emerge

once more, from

the tethers of being

forgotten.

The demons

in the dark –

a reminder of

what once was,

pouncing out at

the most unexpected hour

of the night.

The clock strikes twelve.

Time is up.

Things are, as

we are.

Can reality ever be

less than

this.

Can it be more.

 

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The Ghost Of What Once Was

15 May

You are in

all

the songs

I used

to love.

But, now

all they do

is

make me

bleed.

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The Things That Break Us, Change Us

5 Mar

I never said sorry

for the part of you

I killed.

And I know

you wont believe me,

but

I gave you

everything

I had.

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You Are Love

1 Feb

I wish you saw yourself how I see you
Little sister wanted to be you
And I know you worry about how it will end
But when the smoke settles you’ll see a friend
All your choices were rebellion in disguise
But at least you enjoyed the ride
And regret has been the devil on your shoulder
Cause when you’re 16 you think the world is over
But listen to these words now that you’re older
You are young
And this is life
You take the pain
And walk with pride
You are loved
And you’re enough
You are love
Oh, you are love
And there was nothing you could do
Cause it was all meant to be
All the choices you made were executed perfectly
Cause you were dancing to the beat of fates drum
You were standing before a loaded gun
And baggage is a scar that spreads across your heart
But don’t let it tear you apart
Cause when you’re 16 you think the world is over
But listen to these words now that you’re older
You are young
And this is life
You take the pain
And walk with pride
You are loved
And you’re enough
You are love
Oh, you are love
So don’t you hide behind your regretful cries
Don’t keep your secret hidden in your eyes
Stand up and scream for the world is yours
And if you encounter an unfriendly face
Turn to me and I’ll be your brace
There is no time for all this hate
You are love
And I know you worry about how it will end
But when the smoke settles you’ll see a friend
All your choices were rebellion in disguise
But at least you enjoyed the ride
And regret has been the devil on your shoulder
Cause when you’re 16 you think the world is over
But listen to these words now that you’re older
You are young
And this is life
You take the pain
And walk with pride
You are loved
And you’re enough
You are love
Oh, you are love
To me

For Pompona.

xo
TJ

The Scars That Freedom Left

24 Jan

You told me that you loved me

Then you shoved me to the ground

You took my hand when I was sad

Then you slapped me around

You punched me with your words

You stabbed me with your lies

You taped my mouth shut to silence my cries

You tied me to your bed

You bound my hands and feet

I wanted to run, I wanted to hide

But you had control of me

The one time I got loose

You found me and dragged me back

You screamed at me and yelled

You turned my heart black

You called me a slut

Said I better not be a tease

Then you pushed me to my knees

All the bruises, they will heal

But you have forever changed the way I feel

About myself, about the world

About the way a man should treat a girl

I stuck you in my pocket and carried you around

I loved you too much to ever let you down

Made up excuses for you, said it was okay

Convinced myself it was normal to be mistreated that way

Can’t believe its over

Can’t believe I’m free

You are all the hate that burns inside of me

I think about you sometimes

I wonder where you are

Wonder how I ever let it get this far

Never will I look at myself in the mirror

As I did before

My own perception of myself is changed

Right down to the very core

I still haven’t convinced my self that I deserve more

Wonder if I’ll ever feel worthy of a persons love

Wonder when, I alone, will be good enough

Who will love me for the broken soul that I am

Is there someone out there

That will give me a safe place to land

For now I sit alone in the darkness

Waiting to be found

Trying to put the pieces back

That were shattered to the ground

For Bashert.

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