I have always felt a duty to my gender to declare myself a feminist. I have always had this irrational fear that accidentally doing one anti- feminist action would completely topple the entire facade of feminism I worked so hard to build into my moral compass. As of late, however, I have learned this to be comically wrong.
I have openly talked about how I don’t necessarily want to get married.
“Marriage is a dying institution!” I would scoff. “It is an institution based on patriarchal values, in which a woman essentially becomes her mans slave!” I would screech.
(I have a flare for the dramatic, I know.)
“High heels must be a ridiculous male invention with the sole purpose of making women’s legs and butts look better!” I would say in disgust.
“I refuse to wear heels! I am a feminist.”
“What is a bra? Seriously, boobs weren’t meant to be caged. Let them go free. I am a feminist.”
“I hate shaving my legs. My boyfriend can deal with the hair. I am a feminist.”
“Bikini wax? Yeah right. I am a feminist.”
“Make up is for vapid women. I am a feminist.”
“Ugh. I would never be a stay at home mom. My dreams are too big for that. I am a feminist.”
“I can’t believe that woman quit her dream job for her husband. Marriage is basically just giving up on all your dreams if you are a woman. I will never marry. I am a feminist.”
“I don’t need to have kids to be satisfied with life. Maybe I will adopt ten dogs instead. I am a feminist.”
“I don’t believe in monogamy. It isn’t natural. I am a feminist.”
“I believe in abortion! I am a feminist.”
“Women are always right. Obviously. I am a feminist.”
All of these things, and more have been engrained in the minds of so many feminist all over the world. Somehow, in the midst of me trying to support all women and advocate for their rights, I lost the ability to differentiate between what I truly believe is feminist and what everyone else believes is so.
You can still be a feminist and get married. You can still be a feminist and not get an abortion. You can still be a feminist if you wear a bra and shave your legs. (Although, bras… I really do HATE!) You can still be a feminist and raise a family of six. Relationships are about compromise and sacrifice. You can still be a feminist if you quit your job for the betterment of your family or move across country for your husband. You can still wear heels and be a feminist. (Although, like, why would you? Ouch.)
All this time, I had it all wrong. Being a real feminist is not doing every anti-traditional womanly thing possible. It is about living your own life based on your own individual values and morals and letting your self figure it out along the way. Being a feminist is not judging other women. EVER. The whole entire point of feminism is to find a support system in your fellow feminist friends who also understand the hardships you may be facing. The entire point of feminism, is to make others see that women are equally intelligent, creative, passionate, caring, and just as powerful as men. How can we do this if we are all just sitting around, twiddling our thumbs, judging each other?
To be a feminist you must be more than okay with who you are. You must be proud of who you are. You must advocate for the equal treatment of all humans regardless of their similarities or differences from you. You can not be judgmental of those who are different, for not everybody sees the world through the same lens. And most of all, you must be supportive of one another regardless of each other’s life choices. A married, stay at home mom of three can be just as much a feminist as a single career woman who is a lesbian.
Come on, guys. Let’s stop trying so hard to do feminism “right” and just be there for each other.
Through the swampy waters and mosquito bites. Through the golden hours and wedding bells. Through the births and deaths and failures and accomplishments. Through the laughs and tears and the randomness that is life. Just be there.
It is the only way.
And for goodness sake, remember there is no right or wrong way to do feminism.
There are simply, just, different ways.
Life Scribbles 