She was never good at walking away from people that needed her. A part
of her believed that everyone, every soul, was worth saving. She always got sad
when she failed, and her mother would sit with her and softly brush her hair.
“You can’t save them all,” her mother would say with a gentle sigh.
“No, I can’t,” she sobbed.
“But, I can try,” she cried. “I must always try.”
Here’s to the ones we can’t save.
Doing good isn’t actually doing good when you only do it so that you can tell everyone that you have done good.
That is a bit of a mouthful, but I can’t tell you how many people I know who only do good deeds so that their peers know they have done something good. There is a difference between spreading awareness about the causes and organizations you believe in and spreading awareness about all of YOUR philanthropic activities and how much it changed YOU.
Here is the thing, doing a good deed is awesome, but when you do something good just so you can tell others you have done something good, it isn’t a good deed anymore, it’s a self-serving one. I have a friend who frequently does this over Facebook.
“I did this and it was an awesome experience for me!”
“I did this! And it changed my life!”
Notice anything wrong with these statements? It’s all about ME ME ME.
Don’t go on a mission trip and come back only to talk about how much the experience changed you. Um, isn’t the purpose of volunteering on mission trips to change the lives of others?
I had a friend who volunteered abroad and when she came back all she talked about was how much it affected her. I was stunned. I was like, ”that’s wonderful, but what did you do for them? How did you better their lives?” That is the purpose of going on mission trips, after all, isn’t it?
When you do something philanthropic, you don’t immediately have to take to Facebook and share it with the world. You don’t have to post about how awesome you are for doing something so angelically good, and you don’t have to talk about how much better you are because of it all over social media. It seems selfish and self-serving and it seems like you are just trying to convince people to see you a certain way.
Talk about the organizations you love and want to be a part of. Spread awareness about issues that you believe in with all of your heart, but don’t make it all about you. Because, a person who does that, is not good and is not doing good. They are only doing good for themselves.
It’s not doing good when you only do it so that others know you have done good.
You don’t need another’s validation to feel good about yourself. Knowing that you have done a good deed should be enough for you.
xoxo
“Why are you smiling?” she asked as she leaned over the casket of
what used to be our brother. A blue, cold, breathless body
in a room of utter despair.
“Because,” I said. “Knowing that it all ends,
is what has given it meaning.”
I have always been a fan of Miley Cyrus. Not her music per say, but her as an individual. I mean, what’s not to love? She is a cute little southern gal with awesome style and some super rad tattoos. Her interviews all seem really genuine, she seems undeniably lovable and hello, girl can sing!
Don’t believe me? Just listen to her sing Jolene by Dolly Parton.
Girl has some pipes.
Anyway, we should all give Miley a chance. Here is why. This girl grew up on Disney Channel. People told her who she was supposed to be, how she was supposed to act, and what type of music she needed to sing. Now that Disney has no control over her, she is finally finding out who she is, what she believes and what genre of music she wants to sing. She is only twenty years old. I repeat TWENTY years old. So, stop judging her, because I am pretty sure MOST of us were just as experimental and wild and free. Also, YOU don’t know HER on a personal level so stop pretending that you do!
She is finding herself. The least we can do is let her.
I wasn’t all gung-ho about her new album UNTIL I heard her 2nd single “Wrecking Ball.” That is one damn good pop song. Every time I listen to it, I get chills. It’s beautiful. THAT is what a pop song should be. Her entire album should be dedicated to anybody who has ever been truly heartbroken, because DAMN it gives me the feels.
And I know many of you “claim” that listening to anything mainstream is just “so beneath you.” Trust me, you can still be indie, hipster, underground if you like Miley Cyrus or AT LEAST give her music a good listen. Let’s be honest, most of you indie people secretly love Kanye West and Jay-Z and you can’t get more mainstream than that.
The point is, music is music, regardless of who is singing it. A good lyric is good, whether it comes from Taylor Swift or Bon Iver.
The point of music is to open your ears, your eyes, your hearts and make you feel something. Miley does that.
So give her a chance, and you may just be surprised.
Maybe You’re Right, Bangerz by Miley Cyrus.
I love people. They are fascinating and complex, and often times, they will surprise you. I don’t understand them though. I try and I try to view situations in different perspectives, but sometimes, people’s actions are just simply non-sensical and selfish.
I have noticed just recently that people have a flare for the dramatic. They have a knack for making assumptions that usually come with negative connotations. They are quick to the defense and often times, much too rash in their choice to not be understanding.
Look y’all.
People aren’t robots. Far from it, actually.
People aren’t always going to fit in to the mold you create for them. People are complex, life is hectic, circumstances happen, people change their minds, and life goes on.
Let’s try to be more understanding of people and situations when not everything goes the way you want it to. Life will be much more pleasant, more peaceful, and less stressful for not only yourself but for everyone around you. Throwing a fit because someone couldn’t come to your birthday party is ridiculous. Getting into a fight because someone “ditches you” or the plans you previously made is non-sensical. Getting jealous because your best friend is spending too much time with her boyfriend is selfish. Assuming someone is ignoring you because they don’t call you back is childish.
People don’t sit around in their living rooms twiddling their thumbs asking themselves what they can do to please you. They have lives. We all have lives. Sometimes, it is really hard to be a good friend, girlfriend, daughter, student, employee because of circumstances in life. It wont always be that way though, so be understanding of those times when it is.
Talk it out. Understand that there are always external attributes at play.
People. I love you, but I don’t understand you.
We’re all fighting a battle. Some of us are much stronger than others. Some of us are really struggling. So many of us go through very similar things. Let our very human qualities bring us all together, not tear us apart.
Understand yourself so you can understand others.
xoxo
TJ
The seconds turned to minutes, the minutes turned to hours, the hours turned to days, and days turned to weeks, weeks to months and the months to a year.
This was how Kinsey lived her life now.
A whole year had passed in the midst of her illness and she could have sworn it felt like a week or two.
Time eluded her because she had become a drone of existence in her own little world of nothingness. She lay in bed as the day passed her by, falling in and out of sleep to a sweet melody.
“With a silver arrow buried in my chest
I fell asleep in the earliness
And, had the most vivid dream
I was just a sailor and I was lost at sea
All the waves crash over me
I was lost but I was free…”
She was lost, and she was chained by it.
I have always been the type of person who is constantly wandering, searching, and yearning for more. Never truly content with what I have, never truly satisfied with who I am, and plagued with a constant yearning – a craving for something more, something to make my life a work of art, something beautifully profound and meaningful, something to make people remember me by.
In the past, I have prided myself on the fact that I am one of the realistic few who accepts that nothing lasts forever. That not all things are meant to last and most of the time bad things die, and good things fade away or turn to dust. It’s like, Robert Frost said, “nothing gold can stay.”
Nothing gold can stay.
Lately, I have been wondering about this though. Is it true? Is it a realistic point of view or is it simply a self preservation technique? In the world we live in, it is difficult to remain an optimist, a believer, and a person of faith. It is so often that, the bad outweighs the good, the obstacles become too much to overcome and the hurdles, just too much to bear.
Nothing gold can stay.
We are all doomed, but only because we do it to ourselves.
The constant craving, the tedious dissatisfaction that is deeply rooted inside ourselves, it does not nourish us. It destroys. That constant wondering of ‘what else’ is out there, or ‘who else’ could make you happier, or ‘if only’ I could leave this place, it will kill you. With a mind, and a heart like this, you will never be truly happy.
Nothing gold can stay.
Nothing gold can stay, because you wont let it.
Look around you. Where ever you are in life right now, wherever you are reading this, stop. Look up, look around, observe the people, the smells, the delightful trickle of your coffee brewing, your dog hogging the couch, the strangers who are holding hands as they walk down the street, the smell of the rain coming in the far off distance, the blazing sun illuminating your skin, your comically cranky boss who is so very deeply alone, the smell of freshly baked cookies in your tiny kitchen, the cry of a new born baby, your tiny apartment that you feel at home in, the bustling city streets, the moo of a cow on a small town farm, the wind messing up your just combed hair, the contagious laughter of your best friend.
This is your gold.
And it can stay, but only if you let it.
Only if you open your eyes, your mind, your heart to the little things. The little things that matter so much more than most of us realize. In this moment, you can be happy. You can.
One day, you will travel. One day, you will fall in love. One day, you will get your dream job. One day, you will start a family. One day, you will find a book that changes your life. One day, you will have more money. One day, you will be a better student. One day, you will be a better musician. One day, you will be smarter. One day, you will go see your favorite band in concert. One day, you will live in Italy. One day, you will graduate college. One day, you will change the world. One day, you will feel alive. One day, you will find what you are looking for.
One day.
Nothing gold can stay, if you wait for one day.
One day is coming, don’t you worry. But if you don’t stop to appreciate what you have right here, right now, then one day will never be enough to satisfy you and you will waste your life waiting on a string of one day’s to come and give your life meaning. All we have is right now.
All we ever have, is now.
This is your gold.
Let it in. Let it stay.
Nothing gold can stay, if you wait for one day.
Remember what Johnny says to Pony Boy in The Outsiders? (If you haven’t read it, you should.)
“Stay gold, Pony Boy. Stay gold.”
Editor’s Note: A special thanks to the person who inspired me to write this. You know who you are. Here’s to a chance that maybe we’ll find better days.
I have always felt a duty to my gender to declare myself a feminist. I have always had this irrational fear that accidentally doing one anti- feminist action would completely topple the entire facade of feminism I worked so hard to build into my moral compass. As of late, however, I have learned this to be comically wrong.
I have openly talked about how I don’t necessarily want to get married.
“Marriage is a dying institution!” I would scoff. “It is an institution based on patriarchal values, in which a woman essentially becomes her mans slave!” I would screech.
(I have a flare for the dramatic, I know.)
“High heels must be a ridiculous male invention with the sole purpose of making women’s legs and butts look better!” I would say in disgust.
“I refuse to wear heels! I am a feminist.”
“What is a bra? Seriously, boobs weren’t meant to be caged. Let them go free. I am a feminist.”
“I hate shaving my legs. My boyfriend can deal with the hair. I am a feminist.”
“Bikini wax? Yeah right. I am a feminist.”
“Make up is for vapid women. I am a feminist.”
“Ugh. I would never be a stay at home mom. My dreams are too big for that. I am a feminist.”
“I can’t believe that woman quit her dream job for her husband. Marriage is basically just giving up on all your dreams if you are a woman. I will never marry. I am a feminist.”
“I don’t need to have kids to be satisfied with life. Maybe I will adopt ten dogs instead. I am a feminist.”
“I don’t believe in monogamy. It isn’t natural. I am a feminist.”
“I believe in abortion! I am a feminist.”
“Women are always right. Obviously. I am a feminist.”
All of these things, and more have been engrained in the minds of so many feminist all over the world. Somehow, in the midst of me trying to support all women and advocate for their rights, I lost the ability to differentiate between what I truly believe is feminist and what everyone else believes is so.
You can still be a feminist and get married. You can still be a feminist and not get an abortion. You can still be a feminist if you wear a bra and shave your legs. (Although, bras… I really do HATE!) You can still be a feminist and raise a family of six. Relationships are about compromise and sacrifice. You can still be a feminist if you quit your job for the betterment of your family or move across country for your husband. You can still wear heels and be a feminist. (Although, like, why would you? Ouch.)
All this time, I had it all wrong. Being a real feminist is not doing every anti-traditional womanly thing possible. It is about living your own life based on your own individual values and morals and letting your self figure it out along the way. Being a feminist is not judging other women. EVER. The whole entire point of feminism is to find a support system in your fellow feminist friends who also understand the hardships you may be facing. The entire point of feminism, is to make others see that women are equally intelligent, creative, passionate, caring, and just as powerful as men. How can we do this if we are all just sitting around, twiddling our thumbs, judging each other?
To be a feminist you must be more than okay with who you are. You must be proud of who you are. You must advocate for the equal treatment of all humans regardless of their similarities or differences from you. You can not be judgmental of those who are different, for not everybody sees the world through the same lens. And most of all, you must be supportive of one another regardless of each other’s life choices. A married, stay at home mom of three can be just as much a feminist as a single career woman who is a lesbian.
Come on, guys. Let’s stop trying so hard to do feminism “right” and just be there for each other.
Through the swampy waters and mosquito bites. Through the golden hours and wedding bells. Through the births and deaths and failures and accomplishments. Through the laughs and tears and the randomness that is life. Just be there.
It is the only way.
And for goodness sake, remember there is no right or wrong way to do feminism.
There are simply, just, different ways.
Today I had a conversation with a friend that was meant to be encouraging and even a sort of bonding moment, but it quickly spiraled into her being defensive and argumentative. We are both college students and she was supposed to begin her first day as a transfer student yesterday at a new university. However, for many different reasons, she decided to back out of going to school there.
Fear is such a huge factor at play here, and I know this because my freshman year of college was a terrifying, eye opening, life changing experience and it wasn’t always good. In fact, most of the time it was a struggle. I ended up transferring home for my sophomore year because I was battling depression and an anxiety disorder. In my year at home, I became increasingly terrified of leaving home again, because the first time I moved away, it had obviously turned into a disaster.
The university I attended my freshman year became this monster inside of my head. A monster that I wanted to avoid at all costs and forget about if I could. Well, it isn’t easy to forget the pain of your past and just before my junior year of school began, I decided to transfer back to my freshman university.
I was terrified of going back. Of living on my own again. Of having to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. I was scared about keeping up with school. I was afraid of disappointing my parents again. I was afraid of the same thing happening junior year that happened freshman year.
But the one thing I was MORE afraid of than all of these combined, was not going back at all.
I had to face my fear. I had to know that I could do it on my own.
And I would not allow my fear to be the monster in my closet any longer.
I went back. It was a struggle. I was not always happy. I didn’t always feel like I belonged.
But I got through it. And I am still here.
Towards the end of my conversation with my friend today, she said, “I just don’t know where I belong.” And once she said those words, I truly felt empathetic. I could feel her struggle, because I had been there, and sometimes, I still am. Once she said those words, the fact that she had turned what was supposed to be friendly advice into an unnecessary argument no longer mattered. This girl, my friend, she is struggling, she is lost… and when someone feels this way, it feels so much safer to take the easy way out. The easy way out for her, being, to not transfer to the new university.
I hope she lets her heart guide her, and not her fear.
And I hope she knows that she is not alone.
I don’t know where I belong. A lot of people don’t. But, it is only by taking every new opportunity, giving in to risks, and working hard that we are able find out.
And even if you try and you find that you still don’t belong, well, then, go find yourself somewhere else.
Go find others who don’t belong and don’t belong together.
What It Feels Like by Hearts And Daggers.
-TJ
In the last four years or so, my best friend has become a person I hardly know or even like. There seems to be a constant strain between us, an unspoken tension that continues to grow and at times, even, a sneaky selfish game of “I can do anything you can do better!”
My best friend has become a stranger, and I don’t know what to do.
We have known each other for a long, long time and our friendship has not always been like this. Sometimes, I feel like the most obvious comparison for the two of us is a Blair/Serena type of relationship. Serena was always the more adored friend, and Blair (who I always thought was cooler), was the one who was always trying to be seen as just as good if not better than her best friend. When in reality, they were both equally beautiful, smart and successful in their own unique, individual way.
One was always hiding in the shadows so as not to upset her best friends insecure and jealous nature.
My question is, what can be done at this point? How does one salvage a relationship that at one point meant everything? Can it even be saved?
My advice to anybody else would be to cut the ties that bind, that bring you down. Easier said than done, though.
Growing up does change relationships, especially between friends. When your best friend stops being happy for your success, stops being supportive, stops being their for you through the hardships and ultimately becomes more concerned with being better than you… what really, can be done?
I don’t want a friendship that revolves around one-upping the other.
And maybe my friend feels this same way, and maybe it really hurts and confuses her as well. Or maybe, she doesn’t care anymore. Relationships end because people stop trying. I don’t want that to happen, but it takes more than just me.
You can love someone so, so much and yet, somewhere along the way, you just stop needing them like you used to.
Life Scribbles 